My Encounters With Trenchcoat Man

I guess I had been leaving later than I thought, as I haven't seen Trenchcoat Man in quite sometime. Until yesterday. Trenchcoat Man was back in all his glory - well, sans trench coat. But I could recognize that Carmen San Diego Hat and beard anywhere!

So what's been going on in the life of Trenchcoat Man? Well, what a killer beige/brown three piece suit he wore yesterday! I don't often see a man wearing a three-piece suit throughout my day - apparently, us Gen X-ers don't really believe in dressing up for work either... you know, khakis, polo... Business Casual - if you would. Trenchcoat Man? All Business. Suitcoat, vest - the whole shebang. He was mighty fancy.

Just as I assume my usual seat on the train - Trenchcoat Man gets on two stops before our stop, and takes his normal place standing in front of the door, Express in hand. The shame in my excitement? I was so psyched to see him again - writing furiously in my notebook for notes, I missed the point where he would have folded his paper and slapped it into his hand. I'm sorry, I just was so excited!

As we approach our stop, Trenchcoat Man was ready as ever to leave the train. As usual, the doors open and he rushes out the train before anyone else. Up the esalator and out of my life he went. Again.

On the second leg of my ride home... I encountered this:



This has gotta be some study. Can I be an observer? Read more...

My Evening: A Four Act Play

Most of this was written yesterday, the evening occurred two nights ago, now. It's a long play, for my favorite part, skip to Act 4. But I definitely had an interesting evening the other night.

Act 1. The First Train

It was a balmy 70 degrees when I left work. I caught my usual train in my usual spot. At the usual stop, I expect to see trench coat man. As expected, TM arrives in his usual spot - without his trench coat!! Donned in a 3-piece suit and his Carmen San Diego hat, TM carried his suitcoat and fanned his face with his hat. Oh, TM, how are you going to survive the summer?! Doug, May was way off as a guess. It should be noted, that he was without leather gloves the prior day.

Act 2. The Second Train

The second train, as usual, was a little more crowded. But I managed to find a seat behind 3 loud "suits". One suit was standing, holding onto the rail behind my head. Clearly, having no regard for the notion of personal space, he moved freely along with the movement of his conversation - all the while, I was moving to avoid his flying elbow.

During my game of Dodge Elbow with the suit, there's a man in the seats next to me. An odd fellow, he sat on the outside seat, preventing anyone else from taking the spare seat. Side note: I hate that. So my coworker and I continue our conversation, and all of a sudden we hear a very distinct fart sound. We stop talking - I glance over - and odd fellow is wringing his hands making fart sounds... Seriously? I start laughing. I make eye contact with the guy standing between me and odd fellow, and he starts laughing. And then? Odd fellow makes the fart noise, again!

Act 3. The Shuttle

The shuttle is usually nice and quiet. People are usually courteous with their phone calls, but I've never really heard anyone's music from their ear phones. Until yesterday. First you hear the hi-hats and the claps - but then, the combo of the shuttle being to quiet and the music being so loud, I hear the whole song:

Now - I can usually handle that song in moderation, but when you hear it through someone else's earphones, you can't hear words - just the repetitive melody - and that's rough. The song ends... thank God. Wait - you're playing it again?! That bitch was on repeat. When we get to my building, I finally get to walk past the source of my torture - and it's a DiscMan! So you're telling me, you're ok with paying around $1,700/month for rent in the "special" building, but you're still rocking the DiscMan?? Wow.

h/t to tecmo for the comic strip generator

Act 4. Dinner

The husband and I decide to go out for dinner. As we're enjoying our dinner, another couple gets sat at the booth behind us. Now, my back is to them so I can't see them. But I can definitely hear... We continue enjoying our meal and conversation until we hear this from the girl:

"How fat did you think I was??"

Now let's pause for discussion:
I think we all know that there is no right answer to this question. If you say, "Well, not really fat,"
You'll get, "Oh, so you did think I was fat."
And if you say, "Oh, not fat at all,"
You'll get, "You're a fucking liar!"

Personally, if I were the guy, I have two options:
1) Back-pedal, then spin. Re-phrase what you had previously said to make her ask that in the first place. But that leaves room for the question to be asked again. I prefer option 2.
2) Get the fuck out. Leave. If she's asking it now - who knows what else the crazy bitch might ask. It's not worth your sanity.

Unfortunately, I didn't hear how he responded, but I did get to check this spectacle out on our way out the door. Now, I don't know how fat she was, but I she was currently carrying a couple of extra pounds on her. And her FP was at a very high level. We laughed about this the whole way home.

Small story to end the night - As we're walking to the car, we notice this couple in a very intense conversation. As the man leaves to his car, the girl goes into the car one over from us and proceeds to cry. Maybe she asked the same question and he said, "Well, pretty fat, actually."

Read more...

Nice Gentleman and My Schedule

The past few weeks have been really busy at work - deadlines and whatnot. So, last week I decided to start coming in a little early. And I did. So the first early morning, I walk to my cube and nice gentleman was in his office. I said my obligatory, "Good morning," and open the pod. But rather than the normal "hello", I get this:

"Wow. You're early today."

Ok. So NG knows my schedule. For some reason I find this incredibly odd. I mean, I used to come in this early - he didn't comment, "Wow. You're coming in later now," after I switched my schedule. Redardless. The big issue is this:

He again has made a comment that is ridiculously difficult to respond to. What is a creative response to "Wow. You're early today."? Because I don't know. What did I say in response?

"Ah. Yeah. Got a lot of work to do."

And then I walked into my cube.

Read more...

Update on Trenchcoat Man

Apparently, I've been catching the same train home each night the past two weeks, because for each night of those trips home, Trenchcoat Man (TM - initials, not trademarked) has been on my train. I always get onto the same train car and sit in the same area because it is the closest to the escalator at my transfer stop. Well, it appears that the TM knows this as well - seeing that we've ridden the same train together for two weeks now. Well, TM has a routine, and I've got it down pat:

He gets on the train two stops before we get off. He walks quickly to the door that we walk out of. He always wears the same thing: trenchcoat, leather gloves, Carmen San Diego hat, and a laptop bag - I guess they used to call those briefcases back in the day.

He leans against the pole in front of the door and opens his Express. It's usually up to about the Entertainment section. When the train leaves to get to our stop, he folds the paper in half, folds it in half again, and then slaps the paper in his leather gloved hand. If we haven't made it to our stop yet, he reads the little part that is still seen in his folded paper.

As we approach the platform, he stands directly in front of the doors. Chivalry is dead my friends: Women and children are not allowed off before TM leaves the train. He is always first. Always. As we walk up the escalator, TM does not go up and over to the other side of the platform. TM goes up and out. And then he's gone... Read more...