My Encounters With Trenchcoat Man

I guess I had been leaving later than I thought, as I haven't seen Trenchcoat Man in quite sometime. Until yesterday. Trenchcoat Man was back in all his glory - well, sans trench coat. But I could recognize that Carmen San Diego Hat and beard anywhere!

So what's been going on in the life of Trenchcoat Man? Well, what a killer beige/brown three piece suit he wore yesterday! I don't often see a man wearing a three-piece suit throughout my day - apparently, us Gen X-ers don't really believe in dressing up for work either... you know, khakis, polo... Business Casual - if you would. Trenchcoat Man? All Business. Suitcoat, vest - the whole shebang. He was mighty fancy.

Just as I assume my usual seat on the train - Trenchcoat Man gets on two stops before our stop, and takes his normal place standing in front of the door, Express in hand. The shame in my excitement? I was so psyched to see him again - writing furiously in my notebook for notes, I missed the point where he would have folded his paper and slapped it into his hand. I'm sorry, I just was so excited!

As we approach our stop, Trenchcoat Man was ready as ever to leave the train. As usual, the doors open and he rushes out the train before anyone else. Up the esalator and out of my life he went. Again.

On the second leg of my ride home... I encountered this:



This has gotta be some study. Can I be an observer? Read more...

Update on Trenchcoat Man

Apparently, I've been catching the same train home each night the past two weeks, because for each night of those trips home, Trenchcoat Man (TM - initials, not trademarked) has been on my train. I always get onto the same train car and sit in the same area because it is the closest to the escalator at my transfer stop. Well, it appears that the TM knows this as well - seeing that we've ridden the same train together for two weeks now. Well, TM has a routine, and I've got it down pat:

He gets on the train two stops before we get off. He walks quickly to the door that we walk out of. He always wears the same thing: trenchcoat, leather gloves, Carmen San Diego hat, and a laptop bag - I guess they used to call those briefcases back in the day.

He leans against the pole in front of the door and opens his Express. It's usually up to about the Entertainment section. When the train leaves to get to our stop, he folds the paper in half, folds it in half again, and then slaps the paper in his leather gloved hand. If we haven't made it to our stop yet, he reads the little part that is still seen in his folded paper.

As we approach the platform, he stands directly in front of the doors. Chivalry is dead my friends: Women and children are not allowed off before TM leaves the train. He is always first. Always. As we walk up the escalator, TM does not go up and over to the other side of the platform. TM goes up and out. And then he's gone... Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: Requires Future Research

My thought on the train last night as I see this man in a trenchcoat, black leather gloves, and a Carmen Sandiego hat:

I think 60 degree weather is too warm to wear gloves.
That coupled with the trenchcoat makes you look creepy, guy.

Which made me ask this question: Why do raincoats seem so creepy?

I think raincoats/trenchcoats are nice. At least on women. But for some reason, when a man dons a trenchcoat, he inexplicably exudes this ridiculous creepiness.

There are definitely well-known instances in history that I can quickly think of that don't score bonus points for the male trenchcoat. This includes flashers and the "Trench Coat Mafia". But is there anything else? Or a specific reason? To dig further, I went to the internets.

According to Wikipedia's entry on Trench Coats:

The trench coat was developed as an alternative to the heavy serge greatcoats worn by British and French soldiers in the First World War. The trench coat was created by Thomas Burberry, the inventor of gardine fabric, who submitted a design for an army officer's raincoat to the UK War Office in 1901.

Later on, it explains the cool famous people (fictional) that have worn trench coats: Dick Tracy, Mike Hammer, The Phantom, Rick Blaine from Casablanca, and Inspector Clouseau. So, at one point, there was a Trenchcoat Win:


But why the creepy factor? It turns out that the Trench Coat Mafia did not actually wear trenchcoats. They were actually black oilcloth dusters - a trend created from "heavy metal" and "Goth Fashion". Not my words, Wikipedia's. And Wikipedia explains our other creepy factor, but not well:

Trench coats are often associated with the stereotypical flashers and exhibitionists, who wear the coat in public until they "streak" naked through a public area or commit an act of exhibition.

So they've explained the Trenchcoat Fail:

So in my brief lunchtime research - I guess creepy flashers and the TC Mafia have ruined the trench coat and/or raincoat for cool guys like Dick Tracy and any other run of the mill character that likes these coats....

Aside from the TC Mafia, there really wasn't a specific incident that contributed to the coat's creepiness... I guess I already knew... What a pointless lunch!

Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: I'll Smack a B.

To the obnoxious man (woman?) who yelled at me on the yellow line last night:

1. I am not a "bitch".
2. I was trying to let you and your 80 Target bags off of the crowded train. But what your self-absorbed mind didn't realize was that there were other people trying to get off of the train, too.
3. I was going to take your seat, yes. But please review #2.
4. You and your 80 Target bags were taking up two seats when over 20 people were standing in the train.
5. I could have learned the words to your shitty Beyonce song that you were listening to so loud.
6. Say it to my face next time. I will smack a bitch.
   

Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: People that Kind of Bug Me

Slow, Diagonal Walkers

If you've walked in crowded places, you've experienced the slow, diagonal walker.

Just like on a multi-lane highway: If the person in front of you is walking too slow, you wait until there is psace, move aside, and pass the slow walker.

But wait.

You can't. After you've moved aside, the slow walker is still in front of you somehow! You've just encountered a slow, diagonal walker.

Now don't think the slow, diagonal walker can't morph:

The slow, diagonal walker notices that the train is coming soon. The slow, diagonal walker begins to pick up the pace and has now morphed into the Diagonal Walker: Quick, but just as bothersome.

You both pick up speed and approach the turn styles. Again, similar to cars approaching toll booths, when you two are almost parallel, you stay in your lane and continue to approach the turn style in front of you - assuming that the diagonal walker will go to the one in front of them since both are available.

But wait.

The newly morphed diagonal walker has diagonally crossed in front of you and took your turn style!

And that is why slow, diagonal walkers kind of bug me. Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook, 1

I've started carrying around a notebook so I can write my thoughts down while I'm riding on the train. I tend to get frustrated with the crossword puzzles early, so having the notebook helps me pass time on my trips. The following is the entry I wrote on the way home last night.

Seat Etiquette

I'm a small person (go figure, what with my name and all). Basically, I can squeeze myself onto 3/4 of one seat - if necessary - like say, when a larger person were to sit next to me.

What it does not mean:

If you are carrying two bags, do not assume that I'm going to squish myself against the window so your bag can sit between us. One bag on the floor, one bag on your lap. Simple! In addition, if you want to rifle through your bag, put it on your lap. Rifling through your bag only pushes me further into the window.

You, sweetheart, have now elbowed me 3 times on a ten minute train ride. Next time, I will elbow back.

And I hope you are reading this as I write. I see you peering over my shoulder. Maybe it will teach you to be conscious of your fellow passengers. Read more...