I Hate the Elevator People

Whoever may be upon high has something in for me every time I ride the elevator. It's like they know that I can't handle the one-floor rider. And as Doug has recently mentioned, I always have run-ins with 2nd floor elevator takers. This is evidenced by my experience yesterday:

My ride up to my cube (6th floor): The same lady that said "Have a nice day everyone" and took the elevator to the second floor got on the elevator. I still won't respond to her. So that was a person taking the elevator to the second floor on my way to work. Thanks.

My ride DOWN from my cube to the gym: From the 6th floor, we stop at the 5th and people get on. Then we stop at the 4th, and then the 2nd. Some guy seriously got on at the 2nd floor to go down to the first. Wait. Let's talk about this. Some guy has gotten onto our elevator at the second floor to go down to the first floor. So some guy, with more balls than me says,

"Well, at least someone got an express ride down to the first floor."

And that was funny.

My ride up from the gym: Yes, somebody else took the elevator to the second floor. And it was at this point I have begun to realize that someone upon high has it out for me.

My boss understands my problem, and each morning he asks if I had to ride the elevator with someone who takes it to the second floor. And almost every morning I have to say yes! So he brought up a solution:

Take the stairs.

So do I start walking up 6 flights of stairs to avoid the mess that is a 1-floor elevator taker? What are your thoughts? Read more...

A Friendly Letter to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

Some days, our hallway smells like rotten garbage. I have to run into my apartment to get away from the stench. Please throw your garbage out, so our hallway doesn't stink. Simply lighting incense may mask the smell for a while, but I'd rather just a stink-free hallway instead of a hemp shop hallway. Thank you.

Neighbors down the hall: your child runs with very heavy feet. Right past our door. We hear it each and every time. As a result we have resorted to yelling "FALL" every time she runs past. Because clearly, the only way she will learn not to run is by falling - because you won't tell her not to.

Neighbor who lives on the second floor: I see you exercise... well, I see you walking around our apartment complex. You like to walk. I've seen it. So tell me why you insist on taking the elevator up one flight of stairs... after you've been walking! If you're so into walking around, walk yourself up the one flight of stairs!

And a general message to all my neighbors: I can still see you walk past me even if you dart your eyes to the ground. You're still there. And I will try to make eye contact and say hi to you. You may as well just accept it.

Thanks and have a great week,

Me. Read more...

Why I Need My Vacation

In 14 days and oh... I guess 10 hours... Husband and I will be going on vacation. We have a beach "house" (more like an efficiency) for a week. I'm beginning to realize that this vacation will not only be a luxury - this vacation is a necessity. Why a necessity?

Have you ever felt that you were teetering on the edge of sanity? I felt that yesterday on the train ride home.

After a 10 hour day, I just want quiet on the train ride home. You would like to believe that most commuters on the train have just finished a long day and would like to be quiet also. But no. There's always that one person. And that one person yesterday, was conveniently sitting right next to me.

When riding the metro underground, the only cell phone provider that has service is Verizon - conveniently, this bitch had Verizon. Phone rings, LOUD.

"HALLO?!"

It has begun. This woman kept yapping for a good five minutes. YAP YAP YAP YAP like a fucking Shih Tzu in your ear. But then she hung up. It was nice and quiet. I was enjoying my crossword (which was tough yesterday!) and my music. But then it happens again.

"HALLO?!"

Are ya fuckin' kidding me?! There's a good 15 minutes left on this train ride. YAP YAP YAP YAP. Bitch wouldn't shut up. My blood was beginning to boil. People on the train were giving her the glances, but apparently, she was completely oblivious to the social cues! I've turned my head to look at her a number of times as well, but I just can't bring myself to say anything. But it gets worse...

Two stops away from being home free, this guy gets on. He is listening to some obnoxious rap song, on his cell phone for the entire train to hear. And where does he sit? Oh yeah... to the other side of me. So on one side I have this asshole's music and on the other I've got the yapping of a Shih Tzu. I had to close my eyes and go to a happy place... try to find my happy face.

As my eyes were closed, I pictured myself ripping the cell phone from that woman's hands, throwing it down on the ground and stomping on it. Then, I visioned punching the music man straight in the face. It's not often that I have violent visions like that.

Had the train continued for maybe another 5 minutes, I probably would have reacted in a negative manner towards that woman (thankfully, the rap star had exited the train already). Teetering on this edge can't be healthy for me - which is why this vacation is a necessity. I am afraid for the person the pushes my button way too hard - and not in a good button-pushing way.

So I've rambled quite a bit on this one, but I needed to get this off my chest.

May you all have an annoying-free weekend. I have already started mine.

Read more...

Things I Can't Say in Less Than 140 Characters

So, I'm on Twitter. But sometimes, my random thoughts are more than the 140 character limit that Twitter allows. Which is a good thing, I'd guess, seeing that I would still like to maintain my little blog here. I didn't really ride the train that much this week, but I think I had at least 2 days on the train where my mind wandered. The warmer weather brings more tourists to the area - this means my train rides will be more crowded. Oh yeah, and there are Nationals games... So my thoughts may begin to stream. So, let's start with my non-twitter length thoughts for the week:


People always talk about what they would do if they won the lottery. Why don't they talk about what they would do if they got struck by lightning? Or attacked by a shark? Those have similar odds. What? Not as fun? Oh. Right.

I often talk without a filter - but even then, my non-filter has a common sense filter. You know - like that common sense where you don't shout obscenities at your friend who's right next to you on a crowded train? Yeah, that common sense filter. Yeah, I has that one.

I must have missed the trend memo stating that it was now cool for guys to wear tight jeans and hot pink. Is this a sign I'm getting older? Probably.


I like the spring. I go to work when the sun rises, and I go home before dark. It makes my ten hour days seem almost normal.

I understand that you enjoy the song you hear in your headphones. But that doesn't mean that I want to hear you sing bits and pieces of the song that you know.

Have you ever noticed a person that you didn't feel like talking to close by, so you walk quickly past them while their head is down to avoid conversation? And then, as you continue to walk, that person catches up to you - because they're heading to the same area? Yeah. That happened to me. I think I congratulated my sneakiness too early. Read more...

Adventures At the Supermarket

I'll tell you what. Every time we go to this supermarket - crazy stuff happens.

Husband and I went out to the supermarket to fetch some dessert after our awesome grilled salmon over spinach fettuccine and pesto sauce (made by us!). As we're pulling up, we see this insane spectacle of an outfit walking into the supermarket. We hurry to follow this guy and just appreciate his outfit. What was this outfit? As I posted up on twitter Monday night, see the hot pictures below:


A closer look at the shorts:


This gentleman is wearing a maroon sweatshirt, black fleece vest, tight tight sweatpants with white socks up to the mid-calf, and black & red striped - uhh bike shorts? I'm not sure whether his outfit or me trying to take these pictures discretely was more insane.

That was experience 1.

For dessert? We decided on Duncan Hines Oven Ready Brownies. They're already in the container - and get this - oven ready! No mess, no fuss. I also ventured over to get a six pack of Heineken Light - my beer of choice as of late. It's damn tasty.

As we get to the check out aisle. Across the way we see this outfit:

• Black fleece
• Red jogging shorts (on the shorter side)
• Black Dress Shoes w/out socks
• Peekaboo! A Tiger tattoo peeking out from the bottom of the shorts - so mid-thigh tattoo of a crawling tiger
  

Seriously? Is this guy serious? Now, I am the queen of going out looking like crap - sweats, bad hair, etc - but really.. I have never seen well, aside from hottie earlier in the supermarket trip, such an outfit like that!

That was experience 2.

We place the Heines and brownies onto the conveyer belt after the woman in front of me moves her stuff forward. I kind of swung the beer on there, and she laughs at me. Then proceeds to lift up my beer.

"Yeah, that's really heavy."

I chuckle. But really? A six pack of beer, is NOT heavy. But alright - besides that. She touched my beer! Man, stay off my beer! That stuff is important.

That was experience 3.

So we're still waiting in line, and we see this guy (girl?) who works at the supermarket walking up to our checker-outer (I don't care if I just made up that word). Yet another spectacle. This person looked like a 6'2" Ginger Garth. What Garth? This Garth:

Now picture that, with red hair. Same laugh, same mannerisms - just with red hair. It was insane. Husband and I could do nothing more than just stare at him, and then back at each other. I've honestly never seen a real-life Garth before.

That was experience 4.

And that's about it. I like going into a supermarket always expecting something interesting. It makes a late night mundane errand so much more. Read more...

Another Ridiculous Gym Experience

Friday was my long cardio day. No matter what, I was going to spend 45 minutes on the treadmill. When I get on my treadmill, the gym isn't too crowded. The treadmill to my right was empty, and to my left, an older gentleman jogging.

I get on, and about two minutes in, I start smelling something wrong. That's when I realize that the big fan is blowing at me, in turn, blowing the older gentleman's body odor right at my nose. Nice.

So at least once a minute, this guy's stink wafts up towards my nose. At this point, I still have 40 minutes left. I continue to try and breathe through my mouth as much as possible.

As I continue to run (it's really more like a jog), someone gets on the treadmill to the right of me. Oh no, it's this lady.

Who is this lady? Well, she's the lady that works too hard. She gets on, and for the first minute she walks at about 3.8, and all of a sudden - she goes up to 9.0 miles per hour. I'm sorry, but how do you expect to maintain that speed? Here's how:

• Stomp your feet and run on your own for about 20 seconds. After that, brace yourself and lean all your weight on the treadmill as your feet swing through.
• After about two minutes of this process, slow back down to a brisk walk for about one minute.
• Continue this pattern for about 20 minutes.

You have to see this woman. She is honestly a spectacle. From her weird purple tank top and her green shorts, to the way she slams her feet down on the treadmill. Just chill out, lady. I'm sure if you ran at like, a 6.5, you wouldn't be leaning and your workout should be just as good.

OK. I only have 15 minutes left. I feel like I've finally adjusted to the stink. And then stink man finishes his workout! This is great. I glance over at his treadmill after he left - nice... Sweat drops are all over the machine. Delish!

And if my luck couldn't get any better, working-too-hard lady finishes her workout too! Yes!!

And now, I have five more minutes left with just me, my music, and the treadmill.

I successfully completed 45 minutes with a few distractions in the process. And then? I went home and took a two hour nap. Read more...