Elevators

There is really nothing that makes me angrier than an able-bodied person taking the elevator from the first to the second floor - or taking the elevator for a one-story trip in general.

The other day, this occurred twice. It's bad enough when it happens once, but twice? To top it off, the first instance occurred on my way in to work:

The elevator opens, and four of us walk in. The floors pushed: 4, 6, 7, 8. As the doors are closing, a woman yells to hold the elevator. Somebody is nice enough to hold it open. The woman hustles her way in, and proceeds to press... wait for it... the second floor button.

I'm sorry, but what the hell is wrong with you?! We just held the door open for you - you hustled your way in here... and then you press the button for the second floor?! No. I cannot stand for that. And look, you could have used that little bit of energy you wasted asking us to hold the elevator and trot your way in here to hike your ass one flight of stairs.

Either, way.. I was setting up a little of this in my ears for the ride:



But let it be known that I was totally giving her a dirty look.

So, the second floor arrives. Woman has the balls to say, "Have a nice day!"

Here are some repercussions you'll have to face if I am on the elevator and you take a ride for one floor:

• You will receive dirty looks from me.
• I will not like you.
• If I know you, I will give you shit for it.
• I will not acknowledge you for saying "Have a nice day". It doesn't make up for the fact that you have just taken the elevator up one floor.

So that's it. If you're an able-bodied individual, don't ride the elevator up/down one floor. I won't like you. But here's a quick disclaimer: If you have a lot of stuff in your hands, I may let things slide. Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: People that Kind of Bug Me

Slow, Diagonal Walkers

If you've walked in crowded places, you've experienced the slow, diagonal walker.

Just like on a multi-lane highway: If the person in front of you is walking too slow, you wait until there is psace, move aside, and pass the slow walker.

But wait.

You can't. After you've moved aside, the slow walker is still in front of you somehow! You've just encountered a slow, diagonal walker.

Now don't think the slow, diagonal walker can't morph:

The slow, diagonal walker notices that the train is coming soon. The slow, diagonal walker begins to pick up the pace and has now morphed into the Diagonal Walker: Quick, but just as bothersome.

You both pick up speed and approach the turn styles. Again, similar to cars approaching toll booths, when you two are almost parallel, you stay in your lane and continue to approach the turn style in front of you - assuming that the diagonal walker will go to the one in front of them since both are available.

But wait.

The newly morphed diagonal walker has diagonally crossed in front of you and took your turn style!

And that is why slow, diagonal walkers kind of bug me. Read more...