My Travel Trip From Hell: The Trip Home

It started normal. It was a beautiful day in Denver - the men there are super attractive. So thank you, men of Denver, for the wonderful view.

The conference ended early, we strolled the 16th Street Mall. Got close to the state capitol. It has a gold top:


We called a shuttle service to take us to the airport. We got there a little early, check my luggage - assign our seats so that we're next to each other - with an aisle separating us. Both get aisle seats, score!

It's a crowded plane, a lot of uptight people going back to DC. Just like I could tell New Yorkers/Northern New Jersey-ers from the bags under their eyes... You could tell a DC-er by how uptight and annoying they look.

We board - on time. We even LEAVE on time. And let the torture begin:

In front of a me was a woman w/ a large bottom, a mother and her 2.5 year-old and an infant on her lap. The infant cried, often. But it was usually just a wimper, that could be forgiven by upping the volume on my DirecTV I got for free. (score.)

Then? I smelled poop. Her other daughter needed to change her diaper. So the mom, brilliantly leaves her infant with the scary unknown lady with the large bottom. What we heard next could be equivalent to this:



Yeah... that sounds about right. Lady with the large bottom would get in this poor infant's face with baby talk. She didn't want your baby talk, lady - she wanted her mom... who decided it would be ok to leave her scared child with an unknown crazy. Nice work mom. Flight attendant to the rescue - after reading her the instructions on how to properly dispose of a diaper at 35,000 feet, the flight attendant snatches the screeching infant and shows her where her mom is. This quiets it a little bit. That ordeal took about 7 minutes of my sanity.

Our flight is supposed to last 3 hours and 2 minutes. 2.5 hours into our trip home, we are flying over Ohio and Virginia. The captain gets on the loud speaker:

"Folks, this is your captain speaking. We just got word from Air Traffic Control that there are some pretty bad thunderstorms in the DC area right now, and we can't land. So, we're gonna circle around here for a bit and hopefully get us down on the ground about 30 minutes later than expected. Sorry for the delay; we'll keep you posted."

I look over at my friend and say this: "We don't have the fuel to circle around to long, hope we can land soon." Planes aren't like cars - you don't fill 'er up. You put just enough fuel to get you from point A to point B.. otherwise - it's not efficient, or something.

Sniff, sniff... great. The kid shit her pants again:



That was another 5-10 minutes of my sanity. So we're up in the air circling... Sweet, at least I can watch So You Think You Can Dance while I'm waiting to land. FYI, we were supposed to arrive in DC at 9:50. We're getting close to 9:45 and the captain gets on again:

"Heeeey folks, it's your captain again. We seem to be running out of fuel. So, we're close to the Akron/Canton Airport. They've given us clearance to land. We're gonna get some fuel, and then hopefully we'll get clearance from Air Traffic Control to land in DC. Hopefully we can get you guys into DC by 11:50"

Fuck. Really? I called this. It's time for a drink. I ask the flight attendant if they'll be coming around with the cart on our way back to DC. I get an affirmative, and tell her that I'll be looking forward to purchasing an insanely expensive beer from her. She found that amusing.

We land in Akron. We're down there for about 30 minutes. Refuel, get paperwork done, back up in the air. Pure efficiency on the behalf of Frontier Airlines. I can definitely say that this the way home was NOT their fault. Except for this suckage from the flight attendant:

"Ladies and gentleman, the captain has informed us that we will be able to immediately land in DC. As a result, our current flight will last only 42 minutes. With such a short flight, we will not be able to come around with the full beverage cart. We will be coming around with some bottled water instead."

Are you kidding me?! Sorry, sweetheart, but water is no substitution for my need of beer at this point. Thankfully, the kids are sleeping at this point. I'm now watching Team USA get pummelled by Costa Rica.

It's 12am, we land. We bolt off the plane, only to hurry up and wait for our baggage. That took quite some time. I guess we waited for a half an hour. 12:30... the Metro has stopped running. I missed the last Yellow line train by like, 4 minutes. That's fine. I'll just take a cab, yeah? This is what we walked out to:



That's 100+ people waiting for taxis. After waiting for 30 minutes and the line not moving, we realize a brilliant idea of calling a cab company. I called the Red Top Cab Company. They will have a cab for me in 10 minutes (it's 1am), and yes, they would be pleased to take my credit card. Sweet. I'm on my way home.

It's 1:15. About five Red Top cabs have now driven past me. One finally pulls up, "You need a cab?"

Side note: No. I don't need a cab. It's clearly a pastime of mine to hang out outside of airports at 1 in the morning. Asshole.

"Yes," I reply. "I called your company 20 minutes ago."

"Hmph," she says, "You and like 70 other people... Where you going?"

"Alexandria."

"Oh no... I won't go there. I'll take Arlington." Well, CLEARLY she'll go to Arlington, since it's a longer ride, ergo a larger fare. Of course. She then tells the woman that is going to Arlington that she refuses to take credit cards (you know, since there's a fee associated with credit card payments). This is completely false - because I specifically asked the Red Top Cab Company that same question when I called.

So, I called the Red Top Cab Company again to ask where my car was. While on the phone I told them the story of what just happened. If you are wondering - almost three weeks later, I still remember the number of that lady's cab: 83. Her cab was number 83. I reported her. I'm sure there were no repurcussions for her actions, but it still felt better to tattle.

Finally, another Red Top cab drives by and stops. It is now 1:45. I don't ask questions anymore:

"You're a Red Top cab. I called for one. You're taking me home."

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Alexandria,"I tell him. In return I get a huge sigh.

"Can't you find anyone else to come with you?"

"I am not going to fucking round up a crew. I've been waiting here for 45 minutes since I called and you're driving me home." I was angry. I was yelling. The man standing next to me thought I was going to get violent. I cursed at the cabbie. I was supposed to be home 4 hours ago. In times of desperation, the Jersey comes out.

At this point, I'm rambling... complaining about the woman that refused to drive me home and everything else up to this point. He grabs my bag and reluctantly puts it in the back of the car.

"You're going to take my credit card, right?" I ask.

Another sigh, "Don't you have any cash?"

"No, I don't have any fucking cash. I will tip you just fine to make this worth your while. And just think, in the time it would take you for one fare to Arlington, you can drive me home and come back for another fare." I totally understand that this guy needs to make money. But I need to get home.

During the ride home, I apologize for my actions and explain to him the travel trip from hell. He was rather understanding, and we had a pleasant conversation on the trip to my apartment.

At 2:05am, my travel trip from hell ended. I sent my boss an email explaining that I would be taking sick leave that day. I also told him that I didn't feel like traveling for a little while - like a year. Read more...

I Need to Move.

I've disliked my apartment complex for quite sometime. While it is not a slum, and I do have a roof over my head, it is by far the worst place (and most expensive) that I've ever lived in. The apartment itself is spacious - and have only had one major problem that was fixed very quick, but some of our neighbors in the complex are questionable at best.

I feel like I have already mentioned the 13+ burglaries in the complex. So there's that. In addition to the apartment burglaries, there have been numerous attempts on people's vehicles - both simple vandilization and burglary. So that's old hat. Let's now discuss the weekend.

I decided to catch up on laundry. I'm a lazy housewife, and tend to do a number of loads of laundry at a time. We have a laundry room facility. There are a lot of washing machines and dryers. I took two machines in the corner - near no one else and do my laundry. I left my detergent and liquid fabric softener there since I was going to be doing more laundry. Much to my surprise, when I came downstairs to move my clothes to the dryers - my special pet detergent (gets out pet odor and whatnot) and liquid fabric softener were gone! Oh... but they were nice enough to leave my regular detergent... that was basically empty. That's sweet. I go upstairs to make sure that I didn't forget that I had brought it upstairs - nope. It's been stolen. What do I do? I post this up:
I don't know if I used "whomever" correctly, but you get the point. Nobody brought my detergent back. I'm pretty miffed about this - simply because I have to order that Nature's Miracle online, as they do not sell it at the PetSmart/Petcos in the area anymore. Who the hell steals detergent? I guess it's just a sign of the economic times. Oh yeah... somebody tore down my sign the following day. I will put another one up today. Right next to the "The Management is not responsible for items lost or stolen in the laundry facility" sign.

In the past, we've had incidences of obnoxious drunkards in the complex. Including a woman screaming racially fueled obscenities at the people down in the parking lot, skinny dippers in the pool... and just loud people. Loud drunks I have no problem with. I'm one myself - especially during a football game. Other background to the story - we have a beautiful magnolia tree right next to our patio. Here's a nice shot of last year when it was in bloom:
It's a beautiful tree, especially around this time of the year. The flowers start blooming - they're huge flowers and are nice to look at. Except now - this is in the tree now:
Those are boxers. Hanging in the beautiful magnolia tree. They've been there since Friday, at least. Nobody will get them down. I wonder if I call maintenance, they'll get it.

These were the humorous experiences, that I can look back and laugh at. Hell, I can still stare at the boxers and laugh at them while on my patio - which I cleaned this weekend, yes! The following story bothers me, so it'll be quick.

We have a pigeon problem. There are a lot of them. We're not supposed to feed them - clearly. But they're still around. Walking out to our car, we saw an injured pigeon hanging out by the front of our building. Amid the process of calling animal control, and the wildlife rescue league - we hear *THUD* and see another pigeon fall from the sky. The thud made it sound like a bird hitting a really clean window - but this is impossible for 2 reasons:

1. Nobody's windows are THAT clean in our building.
2. If they were to fly into a sliding glass door, they would have landed on the patio - not fall down to the ground.

So basically, somebody was throwing shit at the pigeons and injuring them, and then just leaving them there to suffer.

Long story short, we rescued the pigeons and left them with a wildlife rehabilitator. I'm going to call her tomorrow to make sure they are ok. I'm glad I made an attempt to rescue them. We called maintenance and management. Both said that it wasn't their responsibility to take care of injured birds. I don't like seeing any animal suffer - even if it is a pigeon. So we saved it.

Needless to say, we need to move. The place we found is beautiful. Our lease application is in - and it has now been forwarded to the owner/landlord. Keep your fingers crossed. I should find out in the next few days. Read more...

I Hate the Elevator People

Whoever may be upon high has something in for me every time I ride the elevator. It's like they know that I can't handle the one-floor rider. And as Doug has recently mentioned, I always have run-ins with 2nd floor elevator takers. This is evidenced by my experience yesterday:

My ride up to my cube (6th floor): The same lady that said "Have a nice day everyone" and took the elevator to the second floor got on the elevator. I still won't respond to her. So that was a person taking the elevator to the second floor on my way to work. Thanks.

My ride DOWN from my cube to the gym: From the 6th floor, we stop at the 5th and people get on. Then we stop at the 4th, and then the 2nd. Some guy seriously got on at the 2nd floor to go down to the first. Wait. Let's talk about this. Some guy has gotten onto our elevator at the second floor to go down to the first floor. So some guy, with more balls than me says,

"Well, at least someone got an express ride down to the first floor."

And that was funny.

My ride up from the gym: Yes, somebody else took the elevator to the second floor. And it was at this point I have begun to realize that someone upon high has it out for me.

My boss understands my problem, and each morning he asks if I had to ride the elevator with someone who takes it to the second floor. And almost every morning I have to say yes! So he brought up a solution:

Take the stairs.

So do I start walking up 6 flights of stairs to avoid the mess that is a 1-floor elevator taker? What are your thoughts? Read more...

Why I Need My Vacation

In 14 days and oh... I guess 10 hours... Husband and I will be going on vacation. We have a beach "house" (more like an efficiency) for a week. I'm beginning to realize that this vacation will not only be a luxury - this vacation is a necessity. Why a necessity?

Have you ever felt that you were teetering on the edge of sanity? I felt that yesterday on the train ride home.

After a 10 hour day, I just want quiet on the train ride home. You would like to believe that most commuters on the train have just finished a long day and would like to be quiet also. But no. There's always that one person. And that one person yesterday, was conveniently sitting right next to me.

When riding the metro underground, the only cell phone provider that has service is Verizon - conveniently, this bitch had Verizon. Phone rings, LOUD.

"HALLO?!"

It has begun. This woman kept yapping for a good five minutes. YAP YAP YAP YAP like a fucking Shih Tzu in your ear. But then she hung up. It was nice and quiet. I was enjoying my crossword (which was tough yesterday!) and my music. But then it happens again.

"HALLO?!"

Are ya fuckin' kidding me?! There's a good 15 minutes left on this train ride. YAP YAP YAP YAP. Bitch wouldn't shut up. My blood was beginning to boil. People on the train were giving her the glances, but apparently, she was completely oblivious to the social cues! I've turned my head to look at her a number of times as well, but I just can't bring myself to say anything. But it gets worse...

Two stops away from being home free, this guy gets on. He is listening to some obnoxious rap song, on his cell phone for the entire train to hear. And where does he sit? Oh yeah... to the other side of me. So on one side I have this asshole's music and on the other I've got the yapping of a Shih Tzu. I had to close my eyes and go to a happy place... try to find my happy face.

As my eyes were closed, I pictured myself ripping the cell phone from that woman's hands, throwing it down on the ground and stomping on it. Then, I visioned punching the music man straight in the face. It's not often that I have violent visions like that.

Had the train continued for maybe another 5 minutes, I probably would have reacted in a negative manner towards that woman (thankfully, the rap star had exited the train already). Teetering on this edge can't be healthy for me - which is why this vacation is a necessity. I am afraid for the person the pushes my button way too hard - and not in a good button-pushing way.

So I've rambled quite a bit on this one, but I needed to get this off my chest.

May you all have an annoying-free weekend. I have already started mine.

Read more...

Elevators

There is really nothing that makes me angrier than an able-bodied person taking the elevator from the first to the second floor - or taking the elevator for a one-story trip in general.

The other day, this occurred twice. It's bad enough when it happens once, but twice? To top it off, the first instance occurred on my way in to work:

The elevator opens, and four of us walk in. The floors pushed: 4, 6, 7, 8. As the doors are closing, a woman yells to hold the elevator. Somebody is nice enough to hold it open. The woman hustles her way in, and proceeds to press... wait for it... the second floor button.

I'm sorry, but what the hell is wrong with you?! We just held the door open for you - you hustled your way in here... and then you press the button for the second floor?! No. I cannot stand for that. And look, you could have used that little bit of energy you wasted asking us to hold the elevator and trot your way in here to hike your ass one flight of stairs.

Either, way.. I was setting up a little of this in my ears for the ride:



But let it be known that I was totally giving her a dirty look.

So, the second floor arrives. Woman has the balls to say, "Have a nice day!"

Here are some repercussions you'll have to face if I am on the elevator and you take a ride for one floor:

• You will receive dirty looks from me.
• I will not like you.
• If I know you, I will give you shit for it.
• I will not acknowledge you for saying "Have a nice day". It doesn't make up for the fact that you have just taken the elevator up one floor.

So that's it. If you're an able-bodied individual, don't ride the elevator up/down one floor. I won't like you. But here's a quick disclaimer: If you have a lot of stuff in your hands, I may let things slide. Read more...

A Letter to the Annoying Fishwife on the Train Last Week

Dear Annoying Fishwife on the Train last week:
I have understood from your conversations that you are upper management. You appear to be an important woman, I get it. You're important. Although you're an important person at work, you are just an irrelevant cog in the wheel of commuters when you leave your office. Here are some things that the other cogs don't care to hear:

• Your husband's ACL replacement - and his love of golf.
• The meeting you had to have with "those lower level people".
• The fact that you don't like your husband to like golf.

The people you were with seemed to understand the concept of six-inch voices - because I could only hear your part of the conversations.

Look, maybe you caught me on a bad day - No. You didn't. You were loud, annoying, abrasive, condescending, and just downright awful. If you're such an important person, and want to feel so important - drive yourself to work. Don't bother us "lower level people" with your annoying important person drivel.

Thanks!
Me. Read more...

Tipping.

Let me preface this with saying that I was a food server for 5 years, and worked in the service industry for 9 years.

This past Saturday, we decided that we wanted Panda Express for some reason... not sure why, but we did. So we went to the mall and went down to Panda Express.

We walked through the assembly line - which seemed somewhat frantic. I ordered my food, and they slopped it on my plate. Husband did the same. They hand us our food, and we go to pay.

We got a drink, and paid the lady at the register.

After I paid, she pushed the tip jar towards me. And then looked at me right in the eyes.

Sorry, you didn't do anything to warrant me tipping you. Your coworkers slopped some food on my plate, and you got me a soda. Just like the people in McDonald's, Burger King, and other places like that. They don't ask for tips. So why should you? If you had brought my food to a table while I waited, I'd probably drop you a couple of bucks. But really? Did you just have the balls to shove a tip jar towards me? Lady, please. Read more...

The Friendly Experiment Update

It's been about a month since I've spoken about my friendly experiment. This will be a brief update (a Carolina-Duke basketball game is screaming my name in the background.) So first, I'll list my findings so far and then finish with my experience tonight that prompted my post:

Current Findings

• People tend to say "good night" more, one on one rather than in a group of people in the elevator.
• Expanding on that - people will have conversations more often when you are one on one.
• Wearing a Steelers hat brings friendly conversations.
• People use their mail as an excuse not to make eye contact - dood, it's junk mail.
• Sometimes I don't like talking to the people in the elevator either.

The Most Recent Experience
Coming home from work tonight, I stopped in our convenience store, and then went to the elevator. An older man (could have been my father) in a suit, rushes in and slams down his briefcase (yes, briefcase.) We hit our respective floors. He's continuously mumbling and grunting fishing around in his pockets... Alright, that sounded bad - It appeared that he was searching for his keys.

It's my floor.
"Good night," I say, looking at him before I leave.

**crickets**

Yeah, he didn't say anything.
Friendly Experiment Fail

More often than not, though, people will at least grunt. One time I got a "Yeah." Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: I'll Smack a B.

To the obnoxious man (woman?) who yelled at me on the yellow line last night:

1. I am not a "bitch".
2. I was trying to let you and your 80 Target bags off of the crowded train. But what your self-absorbed mind didn't realize was that there were other people trying to get off of the train, too.
3. I was going to take your seat, yes. But please review #2.
4. You and your 80 Target bags were taking up two seats when over 20 people were standing in the train.
5. I could have learned the words to your shitty Beyonce song that you were listening to so loud.
6. Say it to my face next time. I will smack a bitch.
   

Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook: People that Kind of Bug Me

Slow, Diagonal Walkers

If you've walked in crowded places, you've experienced the slow, diagonal walker.

Just like on a multi-lane highway: If the person in front of you is walking too slow, you wait until there is psace, move aside, and pass the slow walker.

But wait.

You can't. After you've moved aside, the slow walker is still in front of you somehow! You've just encountered a slow, diagonal walker.

Now don't think the slow, diagonal walker can't morph:

The slow, diagonal walker notices that the train is coming soon. The slow, diagonal walker begins to pick up the pace and has now morphed into the Diagonal Walker: Quick, but just as bothersome.

You both pick up speed and approach the turn styles. Again, similar to cars approaching toll booths, when you two are almost parallel, you stay in your lane and continue to approach the turn style in front of you - assuming that the diagonal walker will go to the one in front of them since both are available.

But wait.

The newly morphed diagonal walker has diagonally crossed in front of you and took your turn style!

And that is why slow, diagonal walkers kind of bug me. Read more...

Signs You Probably Shouldn't Redesign A Website

Image courtesy of crazy-picsblog

• You say, "Oh.. I don't like to read things on the internet."
• Or, "How do you undo something that you didn't want to type?"
• Or, "What's Mozilla?"
• You don't know what a Microsoft Office product is.
• You don't know how to scroll with a laptop mouse.

That's all I've got today.

And you probably shouldn't talk to me if you don't know who Ben Roethlisberger is, or that the Superbowl was on Sunday and we won. Read more...

Musings from the Metro Notebook, 1

I've started carrying around a notebook so I can write my thoughts down while I'm riding on the train. I tend to get frustrated with the crossword puzzles early, so having the notebook helps me pass time on my trips. The following is the entry I wrote on the way home last night.

Seat Etiquette

I'm a small person (go figure, what with my name and all). Basically, I can squeeze myself onto 3/4 of one seat - if necessary - like say, when a larger person were to sit next to me.

What it does not mean:

If you are carrying two bags, do not assume that I'm going to squish myself against the window so your bag can sit between us. One bag on the floor, one bag on your lap. Simple! In addition, if you want to rifle through your bag, put it on your lap. Rifling through your bag only pushes me further into the window.

You, sweetheart, have now elbowed me 3 times on a ten minute train ride. Next time, I will elbow back.

And I hope you are reading this as I write. I see you peering over my shoulder. Maybe it will teach you to be conscious of your fellow passengers. Read more...

Thank You, Captain Obvious

The other day, my adventures of a finding a lunch failed me. Things closed early and the little side cafeteria that opens after the big one closes had no sushi. No sushi! For shame. What the side cafeteria does have is a little serve-yourself trailmix area... You know, open a box up, shovel stuff into a plastic bag, etc. At the serve-yourself trailmix area, they have yogurt pretzels. A delicacy for my tastebuds. Also, a snack that I could tolerate instead of a lunch.

I waltz over to the serve-yourself trailmix area. As I open the box for the yogurt pretzels, the metal shovel falls to the ground with a loud

CLANK... CLANK CLANK.... CLINK CLINK CLINK CLANK.

Everyone turns around to look at me and the shovel. As I'm bending down down to pick up the shovel I overhear the woman in front of me comment,

oh... THAT'S gonna be dirty...

STOP THE PRESSES

This woman is telling me, that a shovel... that falls on the ground... is going to be DIRTY?! No way. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

But it gets better!

So, I pick up the shovel, and I was going to place it on top of the trailmix serving area, in a place where people would realize that they probably shouldn't use it. Then I hear,

Oh, now she's going to put it back in the thing...

Really? Really, lady? I should have turned around and said something. I should be more assertive and confront people when they pull shit like this. But alas, I didn't. And I didn't re-use the dirty shovel either. So screw you, captain obvious.

This should be my new experiment: Become more assertive. If this happens again, I will definitely have a story.

Read more...