Nice People

This didn't actually happen directly to me - but it makes me wonder how my area would react if say, the Potomac River were to flood the DC area in the same manner as those in Fargo, ND are anticipating the Red River.

I was watching CNN this morning, and saw an assembly line of Fargo residents volunteering to prepare themselves for the flood of literal epic proportions. The river is currently at 40.67 feet. Beating the current record set in 1897 - 112 years ago - that was 40.1 feet. Here are some pictures of Fargo residents. I'll continue my thoughts after the photos:

Images courtesy of the New York Times.



I think you get the idea. I can't picture this happening here. I don't see our "communities" getting together to stop the Potomac River from flooding our areas. I was talking to some other people and we appear to agree on this: The people in this area would flee. They would be stepping all over each other just to get the hell out as fast as possible.

Growing up in a relatively small town - it's something that I miss. Often. There's no sense of community. I know that I've hammered this home a lot here, but it's one of the biggest things I dislike about this area. I don't know my neighbors - which is probably the reason that we've had 13 burglaries in our building - nobody's watching out for each other.

So what would happen if the Potomac River were to rise to epic proportions? I don't think we'd see what you see above that was in Fargo, ND. I think it would just be a mad rush out of the area... Maybe that's just me being a cynic. Read more...

?!

Hanging out in my cube, jamming to some Frank Sinatra - there's a light knock at my cube entrance.

I turn around and hear this:

Just a thought: Why don't they have smoke detectors installed on the inside of microwaves?

...

Well, you know. It's just an idea, if you want to patent something. We can go in on it together.

?!

I had nothing to say. I know the whole burnt popcorn is a problem here, but this guy has put some thought into it.

And you know what? I don't think it's a shabby idea... Maybe it is something I could profit off of. Here, this is our idea now. Take this as my invention submission: Let's create a microwave with a smoke detector on the inside.

Who's an innovator? This guy! Read more...

Elevators

There is really nothing that makes me angrier than an able-bodied person taking the elevator from the first to the second floor - or taking the elevator for a one-story trip in general.

The other day, this occurred twice. It's bad enough when it happens once, but twice? To top it off, the first instance occurred on my way in to work:

The elevator opens, and four of us walk in. The floors pushed: 4, 6, 7, 8. As the doors are closing, a woman yells to hold the elevator. Somebody is nice enough to hold it open. The woman hustles her way in, and proceeds to press... wait for it... the second floor button.

I'm sorry, but what the hell is wrong with you?! We just held the door open for you - you hustled your way in here... and then you press the button for the second floor?! No. I cannot stand for that. And look, you could have used that little bit of energy you wasted asking us to hold the elevator and trot your way in here to hike your ass one flight of stairs.

Either, way.. I was setting up a little of this in my ears for the ride:



But let it be known that I was totally giving her a dirty look.

So, the second floor arrives. Woman has the balls to say, "Have a nice day!"

Here are some repercussions you'll have to face if I am on the elevator and you take a ride for one floor:

• You will receive dirty looks from me.
• I will not like you.
• If I know you, I will give you shit for it.
• I will not acknowledge you for saying "Have a nice day". It doesn't make up for the fact that you have just taken the elevator up one floor.

So that's it. If you're an able-bodied individual, don't ride the elevator up/down one floor. I won't like you. But here's a quick disclaimer: If you have a lot of stuff in your hands, I may let things slide. Read more...

Supermarket

Again, h/t to tecmo for finding the comic strip generator.

Husband and I went to a grocery store at a later hour one night. It was probably around 9:30. After two years of living in the area, we've come to realize that things basically shut down in the DC area (at least the suburbs) at like, 9. After that, you're SOL.

We tend to feel guilty if we're hanging out and buying stuff at a place that's about to close. So, for future reference, my husband decides to ask the kid checking us out if they close soon. Anticipating an answer similar to, "No, we close at 11 on the weekdays, 12am on the weekends," we were surprised to get this in-depth analysis of why they aren't closing anytime soon:

• The east doors weren't locked.
• There were still like, 3 employees checking people out.
• The carts hadn't been brought in yet.
• ... and so on.

He went on for a while. Long enough, that by the time he was done checking out our 15 items or less, he had finally finished our explanation with a conclusion, "So, no. You're wrong. We don't close soon."

We never really did find out the actual time they closed. But now we know the signs of a supermarket that is in the process of closing for the night.

Read more...

My Evening: A Four Act Play

Most of this was written yesterday, the evening occurred two nights ago, now. It's a long play, for my favorite part, skip to Act 4. But I definitely had an interesting evening the other night.

Act 1. The First Train

It was a balmy 70 degrees when I left work. I caught my usual train in my usual spot. At the usual stop, I expect to see trench coat man. As expected, TM arrives in his usual spot - without his trench coat!! Donned in a 3-piece suit and his Carmen San Diego hat, TM carried his suitcoat and fanned his face with his hat. Oh, TM, how are you going to survive the summer?! Doug, May was way off as a guess. It should be noted, that he was without leather gloves the prior day.

Act 2. The Second Train

The second train, as usual, was a little more crowded. But I managed to find a seat behind 3 loud "suits". One suit was standing, holding onto the rail behind my head. Clearly, having no regard for the notion of personal space, he moved freely along with the movement of his conversation - all the while, I was moving to avoid his flying elbow.

During my game of Dodge Elbow with the suit, there's a man in the seats next to me. An odd fellow, he sat on the outside seat, preventing anyone else from taking the spare seat. Side note: I hate that. So my coworker and I continue our conversation, and all of a sudden we hear a very distinct fart sound. We stop talking - I glance over - and odd fellow is wringing his hands making fart sounds... Seriously? I start laughing. I make eye contact with the guy standing between me and odd fellow, and he starts laughing. And then? Odd fellow makes the fart noise, again!

Act 3. The Shuttle

The shuttle is usually nice and quiet. People are usually courteous with their phone calls, but I've never really heard anyone's music from their ear phones. Until yesterday. First you hear the hi-hats and the claps - but then, the combo of the shuttle being to quiet and the music being so loud, I hear the whole song:

Now - I can usually handle that song in moderation, but when you hear it through someone else's earphones, you can't hear words - just the repetitive melody - and that's rough. The song ends... thank God. Wait - you're playing it again?! That bitch was on repeat. When we get to my building, I finally get to walk past the source of my torture - and it's a DiscMan! So you're telling me, you're ok with paying around $1,700/month for rent in the "special" building, but you're still rocking the DiscMan?? Wow.

h/t to tecmo for the comic strip generator

Act 4. Dinner

The husband and I decide to go out for dinner. As we're enjoying our dinner, another couple gets sat at the booth behind us. Now, my back is to them so I can't see them. But I can definitely hear... We continue enjoying our meal and conversation until we hear this from the girl:

"How fat did you think I was??"

Now let's pause for discussion:
I think we all know that there is no right answer to this question. If you say, "Well, not really fat,"
You'll get, "Oh, so you did think I was fat."
And if you say, "Oh, not fat at all,"
You'll get, "You're a fucking liar!"

Personally, if I were the guy, I have two options:
1) Back-pedal, then spin. Re-phrase what you had previously said to make her ask that in the first place. But that leaves room for the question to be asked again. I prefer option 2.
2) Get the fuck out. Leave. If she's asking it now - who knows what else the crazy bitch might ask. It's not worth your sanity.

Unfortunately, I didn't hear how he responded, but I did get to check this spectacle out on our way out the door. Now, I don't know how fat she was, but I she was currently carrying a couple of extra pounds on her. And her FP was at a very high level. We laughed about this the whole way home.

Small story to end the night - As we're walking to the car, we notice this couple in a very intense conversation. As the man leaves to his car, the girl goes into the car one over from us and proceeds to cry. Maybe she asked the same question and he said, "Well, pretty fat, actually."

Read more...

Gym Cheese Person

This is the true meaning of my blog's title. My sister and I have this uncanny aura around us that causes people, often weird people, to just come up and start conversations with us. Completely random conversations, about nothing, that go on for some time. Those are Cheese People. So on with the story.

My iPod froze this morning. Basically, it hates me. But, I still needed to go to the gym and exercise. I went down to the gym and decided on the second treadmill from the end. There was a gentleman walking on the end one. Let it be known, that there were two treadmills open - in either case, I would have had to run next to someone.

I was lazy today, I walked for sometime. When I started to run, I placed my towel over the time thing... I hate staring at that. I am not a good distance runner, and I grow impatient - constantly glancing at how long (or little, really) I've been on the treadmill.

"Does that really work?" He asks me.

Here comes the Cheese person.

"I'd like to think so," I respond. It is so hard not to respond to a person when you don't have your headphones in. So, I engage in the convo... because, well.. Basically, I'm too nice. "It's just so hard to just run and not stare at the clock."

"Well," he says, "I've heard that it's easier to exercise if you have a conversation companion."

So it starts. Here's my thought process: If I continue a conversation with him, I will keep running. I hate running and I'm ridiculously out of shape. I claim to do "intervals" when I'm on the treadmill, but it's really me being lazy and not wanting to run for more than a consecutive five minutes, and then resort to walking.

So we continued our conversation. We spoke about our workplace. He's been there for almost 25 years (me, 2). We talked about the weather (like all people do), activities (he plays pool), and general things. He finished his workout, and I continued running. I ended up running for over 20 minutes! So my gym cheese person helped. Sometimes Cheese People are helpful - and it's kind of nice to have a conversation with someone new. I'm glad I can attract Cheese People - remind me that I said that, next time the situation presents itself.

Then the treadmill started making really loud clanking noises. It was broken. Read more...

Deep Thoughts from Accounting Class - Part 2

I'll tell you what. Writing down these random things are really getting me through the eight hour class. Learning accounting for that long, is just rough. So here's part 2. Again, feel free to answer my questions.

Deep Thoughts from Accounting

• Reservoir Dogs was a great movie, with a killer soundtrack.
• What else could be on a CPA exam? And how do people not fall asleep while taking it?
• I need more caffeine.
• Dude, throw your used dirty napkins out. They look like used tissues.
• We have this class once a week - this girl has worn the same outfit each week. What is it, her Wednesday outfit?
• Uh oh! Somebody got her hair did! Nice of you to show up. How many hundreds of questions will you ask today?
• When somebody mentions Big Ben, I do not think of the big clock in London.
• Holy crap, this guy is a million times more unfunny than me. Win!
  

Read more...